Eastern Lightning | Praise and Worship “God’s True Love”
Before I got married to my husband, he caught a rare incurable sequela, severe sinus bradycardia, after a serious. As he grew older, his heartbeat grew ever slower. After marriage, his condition worsened increasingly, and he developed dizziness, widespread limpness, chest pain with his lips cyanotic due to severe insufficiency of blood supply.
When our child was four or five years old, I couldn’t resign myself to my husband being afflicted like that with the disease for the rest of his life, so I determined to make a fortune to cure his condition radically. Then I tried various jobs to earn money. At that time, for the sake of safety, we could only see Chinese medicine practitioners for conservative therapy. My husband took countless Chinese herbal medicines but to no avail. His heartbeat was still very weak, to an extent that later he was even stifled to awake from sleep at night. Once he didn’t return home at the due time from work, I would be worried whether there was something wrong with him. We grew rice back then, and I didn’t dare to have him work much in the fields for fear that he would faint there due to the inadequacy of blood supply to his brain. Moreover, I never had a restful night those days. I often woke up in the middle of the night and shone a flashlight secretly, feeling my husband’s pulse while looking at my watch. When his heart rate was more than 50 beats per minute, I would feel assured and sleep for a while; after a break, when I woke up to find his heart rate was only over 40 beats per minute, I would immediately get tensed and give him a nudge. Then he would turn over or go to the bathroom, so that his heart would beat faster. Just like this, I woke up time and again at night, and I was afraid to draw his attention lest he be more worried about his condition.
In those days full of anxiety, I really had a hard time. With nobody to tell all the pain in my heart, I could do nothing but weep under the covers in the dead of the night. Owing to the enduring mental pressure, I suffered from severe neurasthenia, and could not sleep nearly every night. Sometimes I seemed to have fallen asleep, but my brain was still thinking, and a slightest sound would wake me up. Every morning, I rose to find myself tired out as if having worked for a whole day. At that time, my husband also lived in anguish. He thought he could never get hiscured, so he wrote himself off and indulged in gambling every day. In the face of this wretched home, my heart was broken. I often looked at myself in the mirror alone, who grew older and older as a result of long-lasting labor, feeling untold sadness and desperation. At that point, I even thought about dying. However, when I looked at my pitiful child and aged parents, I then thought if I really died, my child would be left without mother and my parents would bury their daughter at such an old age; how could I bear to do that? Thus, I had no alternative but to concede to reality and continue on. I often looked to the skies and cried out in my heart: Heavens! I even cannot afford to die! What should I do with my family? How can I keep on living? Will I lead such a depressed and painful life for the rest of my life?