Brothers and sisters,
Recently my relationship with my son has been particularly strained. As he has grown older, the generation gap between us has got deeper and deeper. My son is now in junior high school and I am worried that he will play games online and put off studying. I am also worried about him experiencing puppy love and learning bad ways and so I often watch him. To prevent him picking up bad habits, I check whether there is anything bad on his cell phone. Unexpectedly, he was particularly angry and disgusted after he found out and even asked why I controlled him. My son’s words made me extremely sad. I am his mother. If I do not care for him who will? Isn’t my so-doing for his own good? How come he cannot understand me. He has not spoken to me for several days because of this. I feel so distressed that I can only pray to the Lord. But no matter how much I pray I cannot feel the Lord’s presence. Now I do not know what to do. A sister told me that brothers and sisters ofoften help her overcome difficulties, so I am sending you this letter in the hope that you can help me.
Hello! Thank you for putting your trust in us. Actually, it is God’s words that can truly solve our difficulties. We hope that through our meager power we can spread more of God’s words to enable brothers and sisters to get help from God’s words.
From your letter we can see that there is a generation gap and misunderstanding between mother and child and a lack of mutual trust and this is why you feel anguish and sorrow and do not know what to do. Actually, handling the relationship between mother and child well is not as difficult as we imagine. We need only grasp a few principles and we will find that the generation gap between mother and child can be resolved.
1. Entrust Your Children to God
Nowadays, evil trends spread across society, things are getting worse and worse in the world every day and unscrupulous things can be seen everywhere. We are afraid that our children will learn bad ways and discipline them. This makes sense. This is parental responsibility. But we must know that our power has limits. People cannot change others. Only God is God and obey God’s arrangements. This is the wise choice., the way and the life and only God’s words can make people understand the truth and see through the darkness and evil of the world and thus stay away from Satan’s harm and deception. Only God can change people and lead people onto the right path. Therefore, God is the only One we can depend upon and man is powerless. Although it looks like it is parents who raise children into adults, we cannot as parents decide or make arrangements for children to learn good or bad ways or take a certain path. As Joseph’s story recorded in , Joseph was the most loved child of his father Jacob, but Jacob could not determine Joseph’s experiences in life. Joseph was alone at the age of seventeen when he was sold in Egypt; he was still a boy. He left his father and eleven brothers and became a slave in Egypt. He was subsequently falsely accused and sent to prison. But Jehovah God was with him and not only protected and led him but also gave him superior wisdom. Later, he interpreted dreams for the Pharaoh of Egypt and became the prime minister of Egypt. He prepared for the seven years of famines and saved his entire family. There is no doubt that Joseph experienced hardships, but he was able to grow up peacefully and accomplish much. It was all due to God leading him and silently keeping watch over him by his side. (See Gen. 37, 39). As it says in the Bible: “And he that believes on him shall not be confounded” (1 Pe 2:6). From Joseph’s growth, we can see that our destiny is dictated and arranged by God. It is also God who leads us to grow up and therefore we can completely entrust our children to
2. Learn to Let Go and Give Our Children Free Space
Although children are always children in our eyes, they constantly change as they get older. Their horizon gradually broadens, their thinking becomes enriched and they start to establish their own outlook on life and values and to have their own hobbies and pursuits. They gradually develop their own cognitive ability andon everything. At this point in time, children need space for them to develop independently. They need parental company, supervision and positive guidance, but not control. If we worry about whatever they do and take charge of everything as if everything of theirs is in our hands, then this will only pressurize and constrain children and also affect our relationship with our children. As God said: “Parents raise their children from infancy to adulthood, nagging them and looking after them throughout. How do parents see time? Whether twenty or thirty years later, their attitude toward their children is the same as when they were born, it doesn’t change. The child has, in fact, long since grown up, he’s long since established his own way of thinking, state of mind, insight, and viewpoints—he’s long since had these things—yet the adults never realize this, they can never keep up, they always talk and interact with the child as if he’d just been born.” “In particular, parents always treat their children like slaves, or else spoil them, overindulge them, and dote on them like a kitten or a puppy, whilst holding them tight, keeping a tight rein on them, strictly controlling them—with the result that the child stops being a child, and being a parent becomes very tiring. Why is it tiring? Why is it hurtful? Why doesn’t your child listen to you? Why, having put in all this effort, doesn’t the child understand you in the slightest? Doesn’t this serve you right?” (“What Should One Possess, at the Very Least, to Have Normal Humanity” in Records of Christ’s Talks).
God’s words are very clear about our awkward relationship with our children. The reason why we have a generation gap between us and our children is because before we know it our children have grown up and start to have their own thoughts and views, yet we still think of them as a little baby held in our arms every day and always control them according to our own ideas and ask of children as we desire. In doing so, children have to rebel. The root cause of this problem is predominantly because we do not know about the laws of growth that God has determined for people. This results in the kind of parent-child relationship as revealed in God’s words, “The child stops being a child, and being a parent becomes very tiring.” In fact, as long as we can see the fact that our children have grown up, learn how to respect them and do not make demands of them based on our own standards then our relationship with our children will be harmonious. Otherwise, you will only tire yourself and give your child a hard time. For us, children are like kites. We want to see them fly high, but we are afraid of them being too far from us, so we always want to let them go yet we cannot bear to do so. At this time, we must recognize this fact: Children will always grow up. If we always want to keep a firm hold on them, both sides will suffer. So we must learn to let go and to give children a free space for growth.
From How I Turned Back to Almighty God